Hello Everyone! Mindset Mondays is a new blog thread that is going to be based on simple mindsets that have helped people become happy, healthy, wealthy or even just a more productive member of society. Every Monday we will dissect a mindset that is expressed in an easy to remember and conceptualize “one-liner”. Although I do call out some bad mindset's and make a joke of certain things, this is meant to spread positivity and productive mindsets. So let's learn how to like people!
This week we will explore how to find good people and actually like them:
How To Like People - Have High Standards & Low Expectations
It is hard to find good people. It is even harder to tell if a person is good or not until they fuck you over. There are a lot of shitty people out there and there are a lot of great people out there too! But no one, absolutely no one is perfect.
It seems that no matter what, there is always something that turns you off about someone. It is important to be critical of the people you keep at arm's length or let into your life; but once they are inside your circle, how do you not get disappointed or annoyed by them after an extended period of time?
Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, everyone needs quality people in their life. But how do you find these people besides walking up to your IDEAL partner in crime and asking if they want to be your bfffffff? How do we find a mate/spouse that is going to last? How do you make sure you are not the annoying one in the relationship?
There is a solution that I use that allows me to meet, connect, and continue relationships through hard times, absence, or spending too much time together.
Have high standards for the ones you let into your life but low expectations for everyone, including the ones you let in.
High Standards - Make sure you are not welcoming trouble into your house. When the red flags start flying, GTFO!!!! It helps me if I think of people as givers or takers. Givers will reciprocate, be there for you, and are actually interested in your well-being. Takers are only looking at you at something to serve them. Something to lean on, borrow from, something to keep them from feeling lonely. If you do encounter someone like this, or if someone you are close to is a taker, remember that IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO FIX THEM.
On the flip side, you want people that are going to lift you up and add to your life. You should always be looking for people that are just plain different than you in some way. It is important to find someone that can teach you something you have never known about or been interested in before. Be realistic with your standards and make sure you have qualities to match. Look for virtues like patience, positivity, rationality, punctuality…. It is important that your friends push you to be better. But remember, don't get your expectations up!
Low Expectations - This seems counter-intuitive to the previous point of having high standards but it is actually such a gift to give yourself. High standards will give you a good judgment and will improve the quality of your circle, but low expectations will allow you to maintain your relationships and stay content all the way through. Be able to judge good from bad but don’t be judgemental
Having low expectations allows you to be surprised and delighted when your friends are awesome but not let down when they don’t live up to your ideal version of them you have in your head. There are some truly rad people out there, but they are not perfect. There are a few things that are going to chap your ass, but you have to make the decision if their friendship is worth it.
Come to think of it, it is actually unfair to put this expectation on people that they are perfect and without flaws. That is a lot of pressure and any perceptive person is going to feel that pressure of having to live up to your unrealistic expectations projected on them. For example, You can always tell when someone is desperately looking for a spouse (because they think their biological clock is ticking or are lonely). While you are talking to them, they are looking at your genetic quality, what their mother would think of you, and what kind of parent you would be to their children…. It’s just plain creepy and can be picked up on pretty easily.
Lastly, make sure you match them in quality. Make sure you have the same virtues and don’t have any red flags like bad spending habits, temper, emotionally unstable, or dependence on other people or drugs. Look at your life and decide if you would want to be friends with yourself first before you ask other people to be your friend.
Do you have hobbies?
Do you put yourself out there and give off a friendly vibe (even if you are quiet)?
Do you make people feel good when they are around you?
Do you go out of your way to be a good friend?
What do you bring to the table that is unique, interesting, and valuable?
Bonus Section: How to Find Friends And Enjoy Yourself No Matter What
- Enjoy people for the time they give you. Don’t expect anything from them at first except a good time.
- Go out and do things. Get into a hobby and meet people with similar interests.
- Have the most fun in the room. People are attracted to people that are having a good time.
- Do cool shit so that you have something cool to talk about when people ask about you. There is nothing worse than when you ask someone what they do for fun and they have nothing to say.
- Be friendly and genuinely interested in what they have to say and how they live life. There is always something you can learn from just about everyone.
- Ask people if they want to do something sometime. Say, “you seem cool, we should hang out sometime!” get their number, invite them out with your friends so the pressure is not on them.
- Introduce your friends to your other friends.
- State your intentions early. You meet someone while traveling, ask them if you can hit them up when you are in their city and crash on their couch.
- Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. Go out of your way to be a good friend and hit them up, just to see how they are doing.
- Be willing to change your mind and grow as a person as you are introduced to new things.
Why It Is Important:
There a million sayings and quotes about this but I really think one rings true:
“You are the culmination of the 5 people you spend the most time with”
The people you are close to give you a large percentage of your identity, whether you like it or not. How you view the world or the people in it can all be affected by those in your inner circle. So why not make it a badass group of people?
Once you find out what your “thing” is (aka what you can bring to the table), start to surround yourself with people that balance you out. Don’t totally lean or depend on them to make up for your shortcomings, but allow them to show you how to grow and become a better, more well-rounded person. Allow them to introduce you to different viewpoints, activities, and networks. Give back as much as you can. Reciprocation does not have to mean it is equal in output, it means being equal in effort.
Having good people in your life is essential to your happiness and success. Be ready for people not to be perfect. Be surprised and show your gratitude when they end up being awesome. Be great yourself to attract better people. Make an effort to put yourself out there and give everyone a chance to prove themselves. Be able to have good judgment between good and bad but don’t be judgemental. Have a diverse set of friends or even multiple friend groups that offer different things. You never know, you might end up with a badass set of friends!